A Chronic Illness Warrior Story

I've been a sufferer of chronic pain and illness my whole life, long before I knew of illness. I just thought everyone felt pain. I thought it was normal. I didn't understand why more people didn't feel it, why it hurt only me to stand to do dishes, why I couldn't stand and do anything without having to either put my foot up on something or bend overly on it, why more people didn't have headaches like I did. But it really wasn't a common thing, I had a rare condition and I just didn't know it.

When I was a kid I always feel pain, growing pains were a common thing in my legs, my headaches were common, backaches were common for me. My whole life I felt that. Eventually, I thought I was just lazy and my body was taking the pain out on me for not exercising but to exercise it hurt and was hard and caused my heart rate to go up a lot very easily. I always had a hard time with Fitness testing because I just couldn't do it. I was made fun of for it, people using that to say oh you're fat you're lazy you're ugly. Teachers told me they didn't want to see those scores again that I better bring them no matter how hard I was trying. I was put in a box because of my illness.

When I was in 12th grade however, things started to change. Pain changed. More and more I was coming home with jaw aches, earaches, headaches, massive fatigue, and still not able to sleep at night. I was experiencing extreme insomnia. And then the migraines came, my headaches weren't just headaches anymore. And I still had to go to school everyday with all this pain and fatigue. It was hard! I'm very lucky that my mom supports me and supported me back then so she would let me take the day off if I truly needed it, my father he wasn't so understanding.

But gradually pain got worse and worse until it became every day once I graduated. It took the whole school year to get to the point where I needed to start seeing specialist. During the school year I would leave and go to the clinic because of the pain at times, I would do as little work as I could in class so that I could be resting so that I didn't have to look at my laptop which huet my eyes and didn't have to do things that made me clench my jaw as that's where I hold my tension. It's lucky that I had one particular class that the teacher was amazing and he would let me lay down on the couch in the class if I needed or go to the upstairs section of the room and rest in the dark. He was great that way! But, in the end the pain was still very consistent almost everyday so that's when I took action.

So by now I've graduated and finished my extra semester and it's time to see my first specialist. Oh, no help. So I go see another, and another, and another with no help and no answers. I'd seen about 10+ different doctors, counselors, dentists, you name it I sawthem. By now the pain is unbearable leaving me basically confined to home. My GP and I had ideas about what was wrong - turns out ALL were right! Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, TMJ, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, Restless Leg Syndrome, Allodynia, Astigma, major depresion, massive anxiety, insomnia. And that was just then. Life was now a challenge even more so. There is no cures or treatments other than pain management.

So now I'm 27 and in more pain than ever. My TMJ turned into Trigeminal Neuralgia nerve pain in my whole face and head. It's excruciating. My EDS and POTS are in the worst condition they've we've been. I'm also unable to work and considered disabled. I've also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It makes for a hard body to live in!!

But now I have a purpose. Because now I have my advocacy and raising awareness about metal and physical illness and a place to share it all where i can interact with so many like minded people. (https://www.facebook.com/ChronicIllnessAndTheBorderlineMind/). Now I have a reason to write these posts, a cause to get behind. I have something I never had before - more appreciation for my body, less hate for what it makes me feel, and a new outlook on things. I'm grateful for that amidst all of the hardships. I'm grateful for the connections my illness has given me with my Facebook page. And I'm grateful for every reader.